Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

These sentences are true and actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the
recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble
sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began
in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00pm - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon
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This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the
back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
Basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

yep typos, even spell check can't help at times ............

I liked:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.



Dimitri

Don't let the world beat you down,Let Jesus help!
service at 9:00am and 3:00 pm

I won't tell you where that was placed. . .
I am glad that God has a sense of humor!