A Californian decided to retire out West and found a secluded ranch on the prairie.

He had been there about 3 months without seeing another person, when a beat up old pick-up pulled up to the house.

A grizzled man behind the wheel exclaimed

"You must be the new neighbor!"

"yes I am"

"Well, sorry I haven't dropped by sooner, but with calving and all I been kinda busy. But to make it up to you, how about coming over to my place for a welcome party this Saturday?"

The newcomer was stunned and replied "Well sure"

"Now wait before you accept, let me ask you. Do you like to eat?"

"Yes"

"Well, theres gonna be plenty of food there, help yourself, if you don't like something, don't worry nobodies gonna be upset. Tell me, do you like to drink?"

"I've been known to tie one on now and then"

"Well, there'll be plenty to drink, help yourself, don't worry if you get a little wobbly, no one will think less of you for it. Tell me, do you like to dance?"

"I love to dance"

"Well, these dances may be new to you, just don't be shy and join in, no ones gonna laugh at you if you don't know the steps. Tell me, do like to fight?"

"I don't like to, but I can hold my own>"

"Well, bound to be a fight or two break out, don't worry if you get caught up in one, no one holds hard feelings over such things. Tell me, do you like hot kinky sex?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Well, theres bound to be some of that there too. Don't be shy, just go with the flow, no ones gona look down on you afterwards."

"This sounds like a heck of a party, should I were a suit or will jeans do?"

"Hell son, it don't matter what you wear, it's just gonna be you and me."