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Email Is a Great Thing
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15179
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 12:32 am    Post subject: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th
time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a
customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling
up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. Laughing Laughing ROFL

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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fireball 3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 393
Location: northern calif

PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:48 am    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

Confused Laughing Hiding ROFL my hand never left the mouse. Did'nt want it to run away.
Haha Very Happy

_________________
if at first you don't succeed, take a nap, and try
tomorrow. can't hurt!
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wy111
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 02, 2005
Posts: 114
Location: N. Yorkshire, U.K. ( Pomgolia)

PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

Damn you, found out again!!!!!!

Have a great New Year Vince and to everyone else.


Dave

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Dave
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15179
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 9:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

wy111 wrote:
Damn you, found out again!!!!!!

Have a great New Year Vince and to everyone else.

Dave

Likewise mate...don't drink too much...or too little. Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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jbird22cal
Member
Member


Joined: Dec 13, 2006
Posts: 67
Location: Baraboo, WI

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 4:21 am    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

My hand... Is on the mouse... Oops.

Have a safe and happy new years folks. Raise your drink with me.

_________________
"There, now it's better than new." - Harley Smith

"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud

" I am not trying to be better than you... I'm not even trying to be Holier than you... I'm trying to be better and Holier than I was yesterday!" - jbird22cal
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5910

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:27 am    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

Hands not on the mouse cause you can scroll down the page using the arrow keys on your keyboard! Very Happy

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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blkdog
Rookie Member
Rookie Member


Joined: Mar 25, 2007
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 11:25 am    Post subject: Re: Email Is a Great Thing Reply with quote

Vince, you've done it again. Happy New Year to all, and may the new year be the best and most peacefull ever. blkdog
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