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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 9:51 pm Post subject: Grandma in court |
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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippigrandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince ![Cheers Cheers](images/smiles/hn_beerchug.gif)
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Bushmaster Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11394 Location: Ava, Missouri
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tracker Super Member
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006 Posts: 1175 Location: Manitoba, Canada
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Weinbender Member
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Joined: Sep 13, 2007 Posts: 226 Location: Manitoba, Canada
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:42 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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_________________ "If it dont kick like a mule, it aint worth shooting" |
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Bushmaster Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11394 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:10 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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Weinbender...I have had the privilege of drinkin' the night away with Australian Sailors in various ports in the Pacific...As they pick on you they pick on themselves. They are a riot when a bit tippsy (The most common phrase I heard was "Ah com'on mate. play the game.). In a tight when the SHTF. They are too busy trying to be the first one to hit someone. I had a hell of a time getting a fist in edgewise. They wouldn't let me in front...I would pass the time, drink or fight with them on my side anytime...Real Good People...The best.
Now that's how you kiss up to Vince and Gelandangan. Yup...That ought to do it... ![ROFL ROFL](images/smiles/hn_rofl.gif)
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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tracker Super Member
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006 Posts: 1175 Location: Manitoba, Canada
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:33 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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Well Weinbender that depends...do you mean as funny as Vince? or as "funny" as Vince?
and Bushmaster that was one dam fine job of kissin' up to Vince and Gelandangan, you should be ok for going back to picking on them for about 6 more months now, lol
_________________ "If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!" |
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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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tracker Super Member
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006 Posts: 1175 Location: Manitoba, Canada
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:18 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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yes sir, I noticed that, once again your literary prowess is nothing less than astonishing. Actually, I was pretty sure you'd laugh at it my friend.
_________________ "If God hadn't meant for man to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!" |
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tracker Super Member
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006 Posts: 1175 Location: Manitoba, Canada
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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Bushmaster Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11394 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:37 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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Does Tracker know what a mangle is???
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:47 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
Does Tracker know what a mangle is??? |
Hm, good question Bushy.
Hey Trackster...a mangle is a wringer found on an old syle washing machine. You know...two rollers that you put your wet clothes through to squeeeeeeze the water out before hanging them on the clothes line.
He does now mate. ![Laughing Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) :lol:
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince ![Cheers Cheers](images/smiles/hn_beerchug.gif)
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:49 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
Does Tracker know what a mangle is??? |
Hm, good question Bushy.
Hey Trackster...a mangle is a wringer found on an old syle washing machine. You know...two rollers that you put your wet clothes through to squeeeeeeze the water out before hanging them on the clothes line.
He does now mate. ![Laughing Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) :lol:
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince ![Cheers Cheers](images/smiles/hn_beerchug.gif)
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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gelandangan Super Member
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Joined: May 07, 2006 Posts: 6400 Location: Sydney Australia
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:58 pm Post subject: Re: Grandma in court |
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you have stuttering finger again Vince?
Poor ganny. that musta hurts like Bl00dyh3ll .. got me finger caught on one of those before.. YIKES!!
_________________ A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
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Vince Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15723 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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