As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics.

Here are some questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants
grow? (England)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
watch them die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the
Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)

A: What, did your last slave die?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night
in Calgary. Come naked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, right after the hippo races. Come naked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

------------------------
------------------------

Dimitri

Good one 'Mitri. We had similar type ridiculous questions asked about Australia prior to the Olympic Games in Sydney.
Things like..."Do kangaroos roam the streets and are they dangerous?"

Cheers, Vince

Yes...We know...You Aussies have always been hard to understand. Like swagmen around a billibong. And who the hell is Matilda??? Is she really good at waltzin'??

Vince,

Everyone knows that in Canada we are all eskimo's that living in igloo's, wearing fur garments made out of bison hides and hunt seals, moose and bison to survive cause we don't got anything else to eat. And the weather is never above freezing, we just have 2 seasons "very cold winter" and "winter" so there is always snow on the ground for our buddies who think they can come in July to go skiing.

Here is my igloo.



As you can see its more of the traditional Canadian Freezing cold design, and I even got some ice sculptures to make it look better. :rofl2:

Dimitri

Bushmaster wrote:

Yes...We know...You Aussies have always been hard to understand. Like swagmen around a billibong. And who the hell is Matilda??? Is she really good at waltzin'??

Gidday Bushy. Fair dinkum cobber....that particular song has people confused all around the world.

Now how do I approach this....are you dinki di, do you seriously not understand it, or are you just takin' the mickey outa me....pullin' me leg?

This is the ridgie didge meaning of the terms you mentioned:

swaggie./ swagman..someone who travelled the countryside looking for casual work and handouts, owning only a billy, clothes and his swag, ( as in the traditional song "Waltzing Matilda".....once a jolly swagman, camped by the billabong..) A swaggie is mostly "on the Wallaby track".

billabong...waterhole, offshoot of river

Matilda.....old term for a swag, bedroll ( as in "waltzing your Matilda" )

This link is not a complete listing of aussie slang or colloquialisms, but it will give you a bit of an idea about our terms.

Aussie Sayings and Slang Terms

Cheers, Vince

Wow, and I thought them Yankees from New York City talked funny...

And here you are...In North Carolina and you talk about talkin' funny..

To paraphrase an old saying.

The United States and the Commonwealth - a slew of countries separated by a common language!

When my ship made a port visit in Sydney, we were particularly cautioned about the Aussie phrase, "Knock me up". It seems that the U.S. translation and the Aussie, are quite different. We were told that in Australia it meant "Call me on the telephone.". Of course some of the ship's complement had to try it out.

A17Shooter wrote:

When my ship made a port visit in Sydney, we were particularly cautioned about the Aussie phrase, "Knock me up". It seems that the U.S. translation and the Aussie, are quite different. We were told that in Australia it meant "Call me on the telephone.". Of course some of the ship's complement had to try it out.

Gidday mate. When applied to the female of the species I would imagine that the phrase "Knock me up" means exactly the same here as it does over there.

Now to call someone on the Dog and Bone (phone) you would be saying:

give us a bell, phone me up, give us a tingle...but certainly not Knock me Up.

Cheers, Vince

Well a girl saying she wants you to "knock her up" (get her pregnant) here is a pretty good way to make the guy RUN! not walk away.

Dimitri

Vince wrote:

Gidday mate. When applied to the female of the species I would imagine that the phrase "Knock me up" means exactly the same here as it does over there. Now to call someone on the Dog and Bone (phone) you would be saying: give us a bell, phone me up, give us a tingle...but certainly not Knock me Up. Cheers, Vince

Well, that's the life of a sailor. Somebody's always trying to take advantage of them by feeding them bum dope. It's hard for a poor young squid to understand the chicanery that some people use to beat him out of his money or strip him of his strict moral code. Tsk, tsk, the shame of it all.

I've seen that one before Big D, I think it's awesome. Have you had to expalin to people yet about the high cost of air conditioning in the not quite as cold season, because we need to keep them blasting to stop our houses from melting?

Tracker,

Never had to explain that could be because etheir:

1) All the American's I've met in person were in Canada and knew better.
2) All the American's I havn't met in person know alittle something about the world (like the forum members here ;))

Dimitri

Ya mean you don't have to have air-conditioning to keep them frozen? Well I'll be damned...

That explains why I don't see any window units. Let alone windows...

I say we put another shrimp on the barbie before we go seal hunting with mitri, that way we get the best of both worlds!