Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout (satire)
babylonbee.com/news/co...-checkout^ | June 21, 2020 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 6/25/2020, 3:27:28 PM by gattaca

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

"Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process," said a Planned Parenthood representative. "Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans."

"We hate humans---like, a lot," the PP rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

"When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation's legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast," said one AFBB lawyer. "An attack on Iran can't wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go.

precious....absolute gold.

Hey...I just thought of a way to ease my COVID boredom...can I have the job of stamping the barcodes on their foreheads? I’ll get Gelan to make an adjustable touch mark that will fit a 500 ton press, then start stamping. Oh, I guess I’ll need a good firehose and umm, an incinerator, to keep the workshop clean as well.

Youll need a splash guard around that.
Yell out if you need a hand

dhc4ever wrote:

Youll need a splash guard around that. Yell out if you need a hand

I think he'll have an abundance of hands & other body parts to spare...

English Mike wrote:

dhc4ever wrote: Youll need a splash guard around that. Yell out if you need a hand I think he'll have an abundance of hands & other body parts to spare...