A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Here's my message back to the queen.

We already fought that war.........And we won.

As wierd as all that monarchy stuff is to me... I gotta say, I was impressed recently reading an article where the Queen drove herself in her own car over to an area for some pheasant hunting. I loved that she does indeed hunt, and that she'll get behind the wheel and drive her own butt over there rather than make it a parade procession or something with guards and the like.

A wave from this side of the pond.


-DallanC

Jeez Vince,
I thought you were a Republican and all for untying the bonds that HRH and mother England placed upon us uncouth south pacific brethren.
Wasn't it Aussies that coined the phrase 'whinging poms'

PML at that one!.

You magesty,
I was wondering if you might be available to pay me a visit for tea and crumpets on Thursday of next week. I would like to show you my collection of potatoe pealers. Feel free to bring your tax collector along as I am sure he would be amazed at my collection as well.
Your trusting servant,
Paul

Maybe I should call them potato mashers.... they come in 12 and 20 gauge but are not "proper" shotguns.

God Bless Her

BUGGERS !!!

We would be in sheep dip indeed !

oh jollie good show old chap.

Doing that would save these folk the trouble ...

Quote::

Any time the Republicans come into power in the United States, the common refrain from Democrats is "I'm moving to Canada." The same thing happens when Democrats win — GOP supporters throw up their arms and look north for 'salvation.' Tuesday's re-election of President Barack Obama has elicited the same response. Several disgruntled Americans took to Twitter — before and after the results — to share their plans: My dad is honestly looking for houses in Canada to move to if Obama gets elected again. You guys I'm legit moving to Canada if Obama wins... — Taylor Sexton (@taylorcsexton) November 2, 2012 thts it if Obama wins im moving to Canada or the UK #nomorebama — Dani Moore (@Dan1m00r3) November 7, 2012 I better start getting the spare room set up for my Grandma. She told me if Obama wins again that she was moving up to Canada. #Obama2012 — Jamie - Invis PG (@JamieInvisPG) November 7, 2012 Mashable listed some the more funnier 'moving to Canada' tweets over the past week. Here are some of my favourites: To everyone that says they are moving to Canada if Obama wins, why not Jamaica? It's much warmer... — Dylan Reeves (@Dylan_Reeves) November 6, 2012 I am moving to Canada no matter who wins. It just seems nice. — Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) November 6, 2012 Y'all are STILL tweeting "If Romney wins, I'm moving to Canada" KNOWING damn well you can't even move outta your mom's house. CHILL — Yung Gunn 2 Raw(@YungGunn2Raw) November 1, 2012 Apparently, it's not just all talk. According to Canadian/U.S. immigration attorney Michael Niren, some people actually act on their 'threats' of moving north of the border. He recently told Yahoo! Canada News that he used to get "a lot of calls" from unhappy Democrats when George W. Bush was in office.

Dimitri

God shave the Queen!

Aloysius wrote:

God shave the Queen!

That would be Capitol Punishment for someone I think...


-DallanC

'God save the Queen' was the National Anthem I sang everyday before school and is still the only Anthem I know.

TBH I'd much prefer we reverted to a truly Monarchist system back on our side of the Pond.
I'm damn' sure a drip like Cameron would never make it to First Minister & any signs of socialism would be landed upon from a great height with both feet.

There's no way it could be worse than this so-called "democracy", where every idle sod gets to vote themselves a slice of the wealth of others.



PS HRH was only joking about the gas prices - it'll only be $8 because your gallon is smaller than a proper one.

Vince wrote:

God Save the Queen!

she looks like the old bag she is.......!!!!!!!!!!!! She is a wanna be in my books! The queen or king crap should have been done away with years ago,,,, it's B.S. They need to get real jobs. Hurray for the U.S. for kickin' the s h i t out of the British many many years ago. I wish Canada had done the same........ we'd be a better country today if we had. Yep that's how I "really" feel.........!!!!!!!