PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

OBSENITY TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

I like the pliers part! We have several people at work who ordered all these fancy wrench sets, both "standard" and metric and practically filled their tool boxes with them. As soon as they need to loosen a bolt or nut they grab a pair of "Channel-locks" and proceed to destroy the bolt/nut ...

Hacksaw was a good one too, give me a sawz-all anyday instead.

sounds like you have been working with the same bunch of Irish we get over here.

I have at least one complete set of these tools in my toolbox...several copies in some cases.

There IS a trick to cutting straight with a hacksaw. Some day I'll teach you...

I liked the pry bar and the hose cutter the best. Good stuff for every aspiring do it yourselfer .

10 Spot

Have you sent this to Dimitri yet?
He could use the list above his new tool collection :-)