Funny even if it isn't true. _
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These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die..

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of
water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ..
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes,
and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

People do say the craziest things. I was working on a ranch fence that borders a highway in South Texas. A middle-aged couple stopped to ask directions (the licence plate on their car said New York). The first thing out of their mouth was excuse me, do you speak English? I guess they didn't realize that they were still in the United States.

so.. err.. OntheLasGallinas, do you?

The Australian sense of humor is great. I loved it when I was over there, the TV commercials were worth watching and just general bantering with some of the guys I was working with over there was great sport as well. It seems as though many of these crazy questions are from us here in the US of A - we as Americans can be somewhat unruly guests when we visit other countries - but if we can't laugh at ourselves then there isn't any use dressing in front of the mirror.

Great post jsmurphy - I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well, I am off to the hippo races myself - see ya!

Yes gelandangan, I do speak English with a Texas drawl. Some folks would beg to differ at my claim to have the ability speak English correctly.

I’ve been to Australia a couple of times. The people are great. I fought with Australian soldiers in Viet Nam. They fight like Texans. They don’t like to take prisoners. Good bunch.

I also find that Americans, outside of Texas, can be somewhat unruly guests. Especially the northeasterners.

Because or our booming economy, we’re being overrun by them. All they do is gripe about the heat. I just tell them to go home.

OntheLasGallinas wrote:

People do say the craziest things. I was working on a ranch fence that borders a highway in South Texas. A middle-aged couple stopped to ask directions (the licence plate on their car said New York). The first thing out of their mouth was excuse me, do you speak English? I guess they didn't realize that they were still in the United States.

should of said nope I speak Texacan here's your sign

since i too have been to australia i really appreciate those jokes more.
australians are alot like okies with there sense of humor and there very warm hospitality. you just cant get them to come over here to visit.

thanks for sharing those JS