beware the toes you stand on today may well be attached to the foot that is attached to the leg that is attached to the butt you may need to kiss tomorow to get something you want!!!
one of mine.
Steve Tyler "hells fires are burning save your matches f#&k a duck and see what hatches"

Well so far George is winning, both funny and very observant.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.
- George Carlin

Mine
Dont do anything you wont want to explain to the paramedics
Pete McGee circa 2005

Gotta love George Carlin.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

When a man says, "Honey, there are only two minutes left in
the football game," it is the same amount of time as when his
wife says, "Honey, I'll be ready in two minutes."

If you want to be sure you'll always remember your wife's birth-
day, just try forgetting it once, same goes for the anniversary.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

Will Rogers