ACTUAL WRITINGS from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Note: patient here-recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22. Skin: somewhat pale but present

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Cheers, Vince

That is as good the church blooper:Todays sermon ''How Much Can a Man Drink ?'' with hymns from a full choir .

Cracks me up because I can barely read my own writting, doctors just write chicken scratch.

Dimitri

Dimitri wrote:

Cracks me up because I can barely read my own writting, doctors just write chicken scratch. Dimitri

So Dimitri, you are a doctor?

Not a doctor, but unless I "focus" on writing my writing can get pretty bad, not as bad as doctors though, but close enough most cant read it.

Dimitri

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

I guess the examiner took the scenic route.......