Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband : Nothing

Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."

Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

-- ------------------------------------------------

Wife : "Do you want dinner?"

Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"

Wife : "Yes and no."

---------------------------------------------------

Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"

Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I
look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other
problem can there be greater than this one?"

---------------------------------------------------

Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all
your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any
worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told
me to give up my seat to a lady."

Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."

Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me
if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO
MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

---------------------------------------------------

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

---------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

---------------------------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my
pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your
sense of humour."

Cheers,

Vince

Vince, you do always have the best jokes!

Weinbender...It's not that he has the funniest jokes as much as it's because he's married...Been there. Done that...

Bushmaster wrote:

Weinbender...It's not that he has the funniest jokes as much as it's because he's married...Been there. Done that...

Hahah! I see, so my best bet is to just run from any sort of relationship with a female?

Weinbender wrote:

Bushmaster wrote: Weinbender...It's not that he has the funniest jokes as much as it's because he's married...Been there. Done that... Hahah! I see, so my best bet is to just run from any sort of relationship with a female?

Tippy-toeing away quietly just before sun up is the preferred method actually

Tell me Tracker...Does Keetoowah know about this?

ahem, I meant back in the day, partner, back in the day....

Uh-huh...I thought so...She didn't know...

Uh oh...I have sense this could cost me.... although I'm pretty sure she knew that I wasn't ..you know...pure..when we met. (Now how am I going to stop that woman from getting a computer up and running... )

Be there and every time she plugs it in---unplug it. Trip the house breaker. Keep her busy with lots of hugs and...Be in the next county (or in your case. Next country)...Well out of rifle range. Oh and by the way...Glad to help...Any time...

Should've kept my damn trap shut, you're enjoying this waaaaaaaaay too much

but honey! I was just trying to help a young fella out with some advice!! Think that'll work? Yeah that's what I thought....

tracker wrote:

Should've kept my damn trap shut, you're enjoying this waaaaaaaaay too much

He seems to do that very thing doesn't he
Joe

Weinbender wrote:

Hahah! I see, so my best bet is to just run from any sort of relationship with a female?

Goodness mate...NO....you just have to be careful....VERY CAREFUL. Marriage is a great institution....with the emphasis on institution.

tracker wrote:

Tippy-toeing away quietly just before sun up is the preferred method actually

And if your arm is trapped beneath "something"...chew it off quietly to slip away.

tracker wrote:

Should've kept my damn trap shut, you're enjoying this waaaaaaaaay too much

Ah, there's nothing like helping a mate out. I'm proud of ya Bushy.

Cheers, Vince

shrpshtrjoe wrote:

tracker wrote: Should've kept my damn trap shut, you're enjoying this waaaaaaaaay too much He seems to do that very thing doesn't he Joe

Yep, I should have known, but then....look how helpful he's being now!