*The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.*

*Here are the winners:*

1.* Cashtration*
(n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period of time.

2.* Ignoranus* :
A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.

3.* Intaxicaton* :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start
with.

4.* Reintarnation* :
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.* Bozone* ( n.):
The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6.* Foreploy* :
Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid.

7.* Giraffiti* :
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.* Sarchasm* :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9.* Inoculatte* :
To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

10.* Osteopornosis* :
A degenerate disease. (This one
got extra credit.)


11.* Karmageddon* :
It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12.* Decafalon* (n.):
The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.* Glibido* :
All talk and no action.

14.* Dopeler Effect*:
The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.* Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.):
The frantic dance
performed just after you've accidentally walked through
a spider web.

16.* Beelzebug* (n.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.

17.* Caterpallor* ( n.):
The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

*The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:
*
1.* Coffee*, n..
The person upon whom one coughs.

2.* Flabbergasted*, adj.
Appalled by discovering how
much weight one has gained.

3..* Abdicate*, v.
To give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.

4* esplanade*, v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.* Willy-nilly*, adj.
Impotent.

6..* Negligent*, adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door
when wearing only a nightgown.

7.* Lymph*, v..
To walk with a lisp.

8.* Gargoyle*, n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.* Flatulence*, n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up
someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10.* Balderdash*, n.
A rapidly receding hairline.

11.* Testicle*, n.
A humorous question on an exam.

12.* Rectitude*, n.
The formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.

13.* Pokemon*, n.
A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.* Oyster*, n.
A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.

15.* Frisbeetarianism*, n.
The belief that, after death,
the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16.* Circumvent*, n.
An opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men


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