A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said: "Go visit the Dwarven Town. It's full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he'll marry you. Every time a dwarf says 'no,' you grow 10 cm shorter!" The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied: "No, no, no, no, no...! I don't want to marry a tall person like you! You're too tall! No, no, no, no, no!"




I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I'm trapped helpless in a chair.
He cleans me.
He flosses me.
His instruments alive in my mouth.

And just when I don't think I can take it anymore, he says, 'Good girl, you can spit now.'



One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees. When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week." Well, then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what Teddy was doing, he made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week." After that, little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches. The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"


The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.

He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz... down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved!"

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, "I'm a Lark and I've been sparked"

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.

The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says "I'm a Drake and there's been a mistake!"




Did you hear about the new computer virus?
It's called the "Lorena Bobbit Virus".
Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!




Suz

"Bored" are we?

"should I tell her or should you?"

buwahahahaha!

......................well I tried.....it's hard to find clean jokes.....FREAKIN board...missed going turkey hunting today....maybe tomarrow...Hey Bushy!! you know where to go turkey hunting around here? He prob. won't come back to this post.....crap....

snoozin
Suz

Take some of that "board" and, I dunno, make a "tree stand" maybe?

Well, it gave me a few good chuckles. Thanks Suz.

Sounds to me like your in need of someone to chase around and run up a ladder !!!

You volunteering chambered?

Hey BushM !! ya got my PM thanks, sent you another. I guess it's you and me against Chambered, cool! Lets start with a round of drinks and see where it goes....leseeee now, we could use some saguaro cactus necter mix a bit of tequila in there, and maybe have us a cholla bud boil to munch on. I'll make sure (most of) the spines are taken care of, can't always get em all. Ever have cholla cactus buds? The dried ones are chewy but the fresh ones are great with breading and deep fried. Makes a good snack. So maybe he gets a few stickers in his tongue, no big deal, I got tweasers, I'll even wipe em off first. If he's in my home town a ladder isn't going to get him very far, once you get to the top of a saguaro there's nothin but stickers left. So I'm imagining him at the top of a saguaro, watchin the mocking birds and dodging the bird poop and the spines and he's gettin thirsty. He could always toss down some cactus fruit tho.


Suz

Saquaro cactus in Eugene/Springfield? I been there and it ain't dry or hot enough. Personally I'd rather raft fish the Mc Kenzie...

Sure....why not !!! I'll take one for the team !!!

If ya must put something in my tequila use some pomegranate juice.... otherwise I'll just have it straight up.

I'll be sure to take a shotgun up the ladder for them there birdies !!!

Now Awake Suz wrote:

leseeee now, we could use some saguaro cactus necter mix a bit of tequila in there, and maybe have us a cholla bud boil to munch on. I'll make sure (most of) the spines are taken care of, can't always get em all. Ever have cholla cactus buds? The dried ones are chewy but the fresh ones are great with breading and deep fried. Makes a good snack. So maybe he gets a few stickers in his tongue, no big deal, I got tweasers, I'll even wipe em off first.

Cactus....they don't sound real "friendly" at all...in fact the following pics sorta back up that statement.

Oh yeah...and I got a good chuckle or two from your post Suz.

Cheers, Vince

I've gotten teddy-bear'ed up pretty good dirt biking in Az. Took my mates 45 mins to get the buds off, everyone keeps a comb taped to their bike somewhere. Funny thing is it takes about a week for the flechette's to come out and that's when it gets weird.

Well BushM you know I don't live in the desert now,but my hometown is near Tucson, Az., on the Tohono O'odham Nation. I haven't been there since they built the casinos. If I lived there I'd probably get a nice check from the casinos too. Don't really have a want for the heat anymore tho., but it is my home. Yeah those jumping cactus will getcha! Those spines are like paper and you can pull to your heart's content and they usually bring up some meat with them when they come out. Usually they break off and leave you with little paper like spears in your hide that just break instead of come out. In the desert you see coyotes, cows, deer, javalina with them in their muzzel or on their nose or ears. Tis a bitch when you're hungry or thirsty foraging for food. There are birds that nest in them too. Great way to keep your babies safe.

Chambered!! you got by pretty easy, I guess no-one is game for the chase. I'll sit back and eat the cholla buds myself, sip a few necter sunrises and think selfish thoughts. Guess you could join me....the saguaro necter is very much like pomegranate juice, I think you'd like it with some nice tequila. Maybe we could find some rabbits to shoot in the shadows of the creosote bushes, they're pretty good smoked too. Drinkin and getting bloody oh yeah.



Suz