Apologies for the length of this one, but although quite funny, it pretty much describes us…

This is pretty funny.....
AUSTRALIA AND AUSTRALIANS
The following has been written by the late Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame.
"Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea.
Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can't spell either.
The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three.
Typically, it is unique in this.
The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them.
Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else.
A stick is very useful for this task.
The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants.
A short history: Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died.
The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. They also discovered a stick that kept coming back.
Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north.
More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.
About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert - equipped with a stick.
Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.
There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world, although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching
a beach sunset is worth the risk.
As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a sour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud.
Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country"). The irritating thing about this is... they may be right.
TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA
Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason - WHATSOEVER.
The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
Always carry a stick.
Air-conditioning is imperative.
Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.
Wear thick socks.
Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick.
Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.
HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS
They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have.
How else do you get a stain on your shirt?
They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.
And they all carry a stick..

theres those jolly sheep again....dont forget your stick.

Sorry Vince, Australia is a pain in my ass right now... lol

Our software primarily for USA clients is expanding into Australia. Sales took this initiative and they've committed us to several clients for many millions of $$$. That sounds good I guess... but... the sales morons never considered to really examine Australian laws regarding health information. And you all have some crazy ass laws down there.

Really, we're running up against all kinds of incompatibilities and scenarios that just didn't exist when the software was written for US clients.

The kick to the nuts, is the signed contract has a rapidly approaching deadline to have a viable working install for AUS clients. That means any incompatibility that is found, is not treated as a new feature request, but a "bug" in the existing software (WTF???)

This really came out of no-where for my team, as our time is already allocated in planning upcoming features for US clients over the next couple months. Its idiotic how upper management is treating this, giving AUS priority over much bigger US clients.

I've solved a few issues they've run into, but its rapidly becoming a "fix one discover 2 more" type thing. Its a PITA.

LOL

-DallanC

“Dallan” wrote:

Sorry Vince, Australia is a pain in my ass right now... lol

Mate, I’m really sorry to hear that. I agree with your observation about some of the crazy laws down this way…but blame our Politicians who are really only interested in two things…their obscenely massive pay packet, and setting themselves up for re-election come time for the next election…bloody party politics!!

I don’t think there would be much I could do to assist mate (I am not the most computer literate around), but if I am able, please don’t hesitate to yell.

Vince wrote:

I don’t think there would be much I could do to assist mate (I am not the most computer literate around), but if I am able, please don’t hesitate to yell.

LOL... I wasn't blaming you, you're one of the sane ones down there.


-DallanC

LOL.

Yeah Australia is all that.. and more.
As an import model I do find it strange when I arrive, but all seems to make sense now.. I think..

@Dallan What software are you writing ?
Anything I can do to help? I am more on the Microchip end of programming rather than the mainstream Windows stuff.

I work for 3M (yes the paint and sandpaper company), we have a HealthCare Division and I work for that writing hospital coding software. Thanks for the offer but no, there's nothing I need help with

-DallanC