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Living in the South
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15410
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 3:40 pm    Post subject: Living in the South Reply with quote

THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2553
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 3:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

I like okra

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11291
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 7:48 am    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

I don't...We have a lot of "flat" possums and speed bumps (Armadillos) here.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...


Last edited by Bushmaster on Thu Jul 28, 2022 6:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4940
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 1:52 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

Sounds about right to me!

Don't forget "Jeetyet?" and "Yontoo?" (Did you eat yet? Do you want to?)

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15410
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 5:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
I don't...We have a lot of "flat" possums speed bumps (Armadillos) here.

Yeah, I remember when was over there…flat armadillos everywhere. Seems they’re not quick enough to get out of the way of the cars.

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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GroovyJack
Member
Member


Joined: May 21, 2005
Posts: 599
Location: Bama

PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2022 9:32 am    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

armadillos is possum on the half shell ..

there iz a difference between hissy fit and coniption fit

ever thing ewe said makes perfect sense

we taught you well

_________________
My Goal In Life Is To Be As Good Of A Person As My Dog Already Thinks I Am
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15410
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2022 5:08 pm    Post subject: Re: Living in the South Reply with quote

GroovyJack wrote:
armadillos is possum on the half shell ..

there iz a difference between hissy fit and coniption fit

ever thing ewe said makes perfect sense

we taught you well

Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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