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Ponderables
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15088
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 6:10 pm    Post subject: Ponderables Reply with quote

Imponderables – ponder on these imponderables for a minute:
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one person enjoys it?

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2439
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 7:15 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8699
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 9:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

too mecky bro...just too mecky
(too much for you un horis )

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 957
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:44 am    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

The last one really cracks me up , Happy New Year , We all needed a good laugh ,,,, thanks

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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RePete
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 991
Location: Gods Country

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 7:28 am    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
too mecky bro...just too mecky
(too much for you un horis )

Mecky - had to look that one up as I had never heard of the word before. I thought that it might be an Aus or NZ expression.

As usual, this site is a learning experience.

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Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS.
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1718
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

What happened to 21 & 22 - too risqué for us innocent souls?

Very Happy
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6231
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 4:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Haha

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15088
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 8:15 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
What happened to 21 & 22 - too risqué for us innocent souls?

Very Happy

I never noticed that mate...I don’t know.

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11185
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2021 10:37 am    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Vince is protecting us by keeping secrets, I bet.

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
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Posts: 15088
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2021 4:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Vince is protecting us by keeping secrets, I bet.

Who me...nah, I wouldn’t do that mate. Wink Wink

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1718
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 11:48 am    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Vince is protecting us by keeping secrets, I bet.

I reckon he's kept the best ones for himself, the rotter. Very Happy
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2439
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 11:51 am    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
Bushmaster wrote:
Vince is protecting us by keeping secrets, I bet.

I reckon he's kept the best ones for himself, the rotter. Very Happy

Or they didn't meet his standards

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11185
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 12:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

WHAT STANDARDS!??!

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2439
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 1:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
WHAT STANDARDS!??!
Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2839
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 2:35 pm    Post subject: Re: Ponderables Reply with quote

The will this make Bushy cringe standard......

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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