1. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
2. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
3. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
4. I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
5. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
6. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
7. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
8. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
9. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
10. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. WELL!! We'll just see about that!
11. I think my neighbour is stalking me - she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
12. Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
13. You're not fat, you're just.. easier to see.
14. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Vince!

Thanks Vince I stole that to post elsewhere. LOL.