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Male or Female?
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15713
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:21 pm    Post subject: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Male or Female?

You might not know this...but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TYRES
Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object... because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their arse.
Then again ? Bright colours and full of Hot Air......very female ??

SPONGES
These are female...because they are soft......squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES
Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS
Definitely male... because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS
Egg timers are female because....over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS
Male.... because in the last 5000 years.....they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying.

That's it...posted...now I'm on my way back to the ladder. I don't want no butt whoopin' switchin' from Suz. Hiding Hiding

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9252
Location: south island New Zealand
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:14 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Vince my good man you SAY you dont want a whooping but you keep stirring the hornets nest and sooner or later Whip

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15713
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:20 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Elvis wrote:
Vince my good man you SAY you dont want a whooping but you keep stirring the hornets nest and sooner or later Whip

Yeah...I know mate...maybe I have a "death wish", or I just want to see Suz in action. Laughing Laughing Hiding

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:00 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Vince wrote:
Elvis wrote:
Vince my good man you SAY you dont want a whooping but you keep stirring the hornets nest and sooner or later Whip

Yeah...I know mate...maybe I have a "death wish", or I just want to see Suz in action. Laughing Laughing Hiding

Cheers, Vince

This ought to be good Popcorn

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:09 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Werd !!!

Popcorn

Laughing
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Arron
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 20, 2006
Posts: 352
Location: Cen.Iowa, by way of SWIowa
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 4:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
OH boy! This is going to be one for the record books!

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What do I know: I am just a line animal.
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 3:55 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Vince wrote:
Elvis wrote:
Vince my good man you SAY you dont want a whooping but you keep stirring the hornets nest and sooner or later Whip

Yeah...I know mate...maybe I have a "death wish", or I just want to see Suz in action. Laughing Laughing Hiding

Cheers, Vince

Vince, what kind of bait do you have on that hook?? Suz isn't bitting yet!! Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15713
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:06 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Yeah, I know mate...but then again, she is pretty smart and a crafty bugger to go with it...she might be playing hard to get...of maybe out searching for the i d e a l switch....uh oh...this does not bode well. I'm outa here.

scared scared scared Hiding



Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2944
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:31 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Tick,Tick,Tick,Tick,Tick,Tick,Tick,..............


Hows that loft going?

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:59 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Vince wrote:
Yeah, I know mate...but then again, she is pretty smart and a crafty bugger to go with it...she might be playing hard to get...of maybe out searching for the i d e a l switch....uh oh...this does not bode well. I'm outa here.

scared scared scared Hiding



Cheers, Vince

Buwahahahaha! Laughing

Awesome ladder shot. I think I Wiersey up there! Razz
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15713
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 6:52 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
Stovey wrote:
Buwahahahaha! Laughing

Awesome ladder shot. I think I Wiersey up there! Razz

Yup...we are up here together enjoying the serenity of isolation...while we can, and while it lasts.

Has Suz found that switch yet mate?? scared

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 6:53 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
No, but, I thihk I heard a chain saw firing up.

Better have a parachute handy!
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15713
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:09 am    Post subject: Re: Male or Female? Reply with quote
stovepipe wrote:
No, but, I thihk I heard a chain saw firing up.

Better have a parachute handy!

Chainsaw !!!!!





SSSssssshhhhhhh I's hidin'

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
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