I've just been to the optometrist, and he's told me that I'm colour blind. Now I'm a bit worried that some of my mates might be black. If you are, just delete me from your address book.

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My new neighbours moved in, and they're Muslims. The mother and nine kids challenged me to a water fight - so I'm just dropping you a few lines while the kettle boils.

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A new Muslim clothing shop opened in town last week, and I've been banned already. I only went in and asked to see some bomber jackets ...


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Sad news. I could have won $1,000 last night at the pub quiz. I missed out by one question - Where do women grow the curliest hair? If only I'd said 'Africa' or 'New Guinea'.

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One of my opponents also missed a question: Name two things you find in cells. Apparently it's not aborigines and their relations.

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I found a talking parrot in my garden this morning. All he says is, "Hello, you ugly pr#ck." He's not yours, is he?

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Can you spare just $5.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal.

If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video – it’s hilarious.

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Cheers, Vince

ok give him back the crown.. that reference to short n curlies is just too much!!!