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PreachingJokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011 Posts: 2944 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:38 pm Post subject: Preaching |
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A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next....
He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an
IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL,
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus...Hallelujah!
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ...circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
_________________ Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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gelandangan Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006 Posts: 6450 Location: Sydney Australia
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 4:32 pm Post subject: Re: Preaching |
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_________________ A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.
Do - Not try!
gelandangan.weebly.com/ |
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Vince Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15959 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:05 am Post subject: Re: Preaching |
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_________________ Cheers, Vince 
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Bushmaster Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11458 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 7:09 am Post subject: Re: Preaching |
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Ya think??
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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English Mike Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007 Posts: 1709 Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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RePete Super Member


Joined: Aug 15, 2005 Posts: 1056 Location: Gods Country
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:45 pm Post subject: Re: Preaching |
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_________________ Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.
Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.
Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS. |
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ROADJOCKY Member


Joined: Jan 29, 2010 Posts: 101 Location: SOUTHERN-OHIO
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:48 pm Post subject: Re: Preaching |
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