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I knew my parents were all Knowing!
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2007 8:09 pm    Post subject: I knew my parents were all Knowing! Reply with quote

25 Reasons I Owe my mother or dad

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mot her taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10 My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11389
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2007 5:24 pm    Post subject: Re: I knew my parents were all Knowing! Reply with quote

Vince...I heard them all before..................From my Mother.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6396
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:42 pm    Post subject: Re: I knew my parents were all Knowing! Reply with quote

Mamma mia !!

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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fireball 3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 393
Location: northern calif

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:06 pm    Post subject: Re: I knew my parents were all Knowing! Reply with quote

Laughing ma told me never look a gift horse in the mouth, but I never git any thin'from ma horse except a ride. Good job Vince, keep um' commin' Dave Howdy

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if at first you don't succeed, take a nap, and try
tomorrow. can't hurt!
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jeh7mmmag
Member
Member


Joined: Dec 24, 2006
Posts: 223
Location: DFW, TX.

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2007 9:59 pm    Post subject: Re: I knew my parents were all Knowing! Reply with quote

Bring back memories. Heard them all. Laughing Thanks

26. My mother taught me GARDENING.
You reap what you sow.
James

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DAV
VNE USS LEX CVT-16 BLUE GHOST V2 CATS ABE-2
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