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Daveyboy Member
Joined: Jan 22, 2006 Posts: 143
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:49 am Post subject: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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IN GENERAL
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your Ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN Ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no; it alters the taste of finger foods and it can draw attention away from your jewellery.
DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's your responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
3. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
_________________ Why, in films, don't they just kill it? |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11390 Location: Ava, Missouri
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george20042007 Super Member
Joined: Jan 27, 2006 Posts: 568 Location: Arizona
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Dimitri Super Member
Joined: Nov 25, 2005 Posts: 5944
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Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 7:53 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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_________________ A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow. |
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 7:58 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11390 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 7:59 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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Hey!!! Mine's trained to get a case of beer every time she goes to the store for food. And she's Morman...Now THAT's training...
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15704 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 8:02 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
Hey!!! Mine's trained to get a case of beer every time she goes to the store for food. And she's Morman...Now THAT's training... |
Bushy, I am humbled mate. To train your wife like that is...well.....I just can't put it into words mate. I bow down to my better.
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Dimitri Super Member
Joined: Nov 25, 2005 Posts: 5944
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11390 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 8:13 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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Short story??? I'm the boss? Or she let's me think I am by obeying me? She sure has me fooled...
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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GroovyJack Member
Joined: May 21, 2005 Posts: 621 Location: Bama
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Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 11:56 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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Bushy's lying .. Yeah me mate Tony in Syd sent me that one a while back ..
_________________ My Goal In Life Is To Be As Good Of A Person As My Dog Already Thinks I Am |
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ogre Member
Joined: Jan 15, 2006 Posts: 79 Location: Melbourne
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 4:22 am Post subject: Re: Aussie do's and don'ts |
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Hi
I got it even better than bushy- marry a wog girl- they are already trained by their family- you just have to fine tune them to your tastes.
other part for me is that mines been doing ballet for 20+ years and can kick me in the head without even warming up- when I get out of line.- often.
l
ater
p
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