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13 Reasons to Smile
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:31 am    Post subject: 13 Reasons to Smile Reply with quote

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me. Shocked

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America? Sad

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!" Very Happy

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in
prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments
cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a
soldier" Smile

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the
end, the faster it goes. Razz

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8312
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 5:55 am    Post subject: Re: 13 Reasons to Smile Reply with quote

OV1, thanks for the morning chuckle to start my day! These are good ones!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Aloysius
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2432
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:48 am    Post subject: Re: 13 Reasons to Smile Reply with quote

And the number 15 joke: 13 reasons to smile does come with 14 Smile

but in such quality: the more the better.
Thanks.
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:30 am    Post subject: Re: 13 Reasons to Smile Reply with quote

Thanks Aloysius:

I myself cannot wait for this week to end as for starters on memorial day, the wife sent me with a list of stuff to pick-up for a bbq we were having. Bought all the stuff home and next day (Monday) I realised I had forgot to pick up lava rocks for our gas grill. Embarassed

So my wife grills me, Very Happy and tells me I'm losing it....for forgetting to get the lava rocks. Sad So I ended up inviting 2 other neighbors from 3 blocks down just to get lava rocks. Very Happy

But today when I collected and posted the opening post proves I can't count either. Very Happy Lookout Saturday, much needed recoil therapy.

_________________
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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 9221
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 10:47 pm    Post subject: Re: 13 Reasons to Smile Reply with quote

those are great thanks omni.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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