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Men and WomenJokes, funny stories and general humor
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Dimitri
Super Member
Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5942
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 Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:03 pm Post subject: Men and Women |
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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need; but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (God how true!)
OFFSPRING
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
 
Dimitri
_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow. |
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shrpshtrjoe
Super Red Neck Member
Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2965
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:11 pm Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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I can't dissagree with any of those
Joe
_________________
"MOLON LABE"
P E T A
People Eating Tasty Animals |
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TRBLSHTR
Super Member
Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1071
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4990
Location: NC foothills
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| Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 5:30 pm Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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Hey, my wife not only remembers all of my mistakes, she invents new ones to cover any recent situation...
_________________
Mike
"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle |
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Vince
Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15617
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Dimitri
Super Member
Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5942
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| Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 5:55 am Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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It should I got it in a email from someone you may know very well. 
Dimitri
_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow. |
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pth1947
Member
Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 54
Location: southern Arkansas
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| Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 6:22 am Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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been there
_________________
Don't worry you'll never get out of this world alive |
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tomlj75
Rookie Member
Joined: May 07, 2009
Posts: 8
Location: IOWA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:14 am Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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right on the nose
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whittling
Super Member
Joined: Apr 21, 2008
Posts: 586
Location: Texas (home state is Mass)
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| Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:32 am Post subject: Re: Men and Women |
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_________________
Molon labe!
Service, honor and courage, without these a warrior is nothing. |
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OMG Dimiti-sheer genius! 
