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cow-ism
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:37 pm    Post subject: cow-ism Reply with quote

oldies but still applies

Socialism — If you have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor.

Communism — If you have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some milk.

Fascism — If you have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you the milk at a high price.

Nazism — If you have 2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.

New Dealism — (FDR Version) If you have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.

Capitalism — (Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.

Anarchism — If you have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.

Utopianism — If you have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Pure Socialism — You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows.The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism — You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Pure Communism — You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism — You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian Communism — You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Dictatorship — You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy — You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy — You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Bureaucracy — You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy — You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Surrealism — You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Programmers-Trying-to-Meet-Year-2000-Deadline — You have two cows. You keep them both, force them to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when they drop dead.

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Vince
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:14 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Laughing Haha

Good one Gelan. Would be better if it wasn't so true though. Laughing

Cheers, Vince

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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:21 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Always I wonder where Australia's position is in the list.

Australian-ism - You have two cows, your neighbour countries have twenty cows. You feel sorry for them because they are living in poverty. So you send them both your cows plus you borrow money and buy them five more cows. You increase your internal tax to pay for them, and you increase the salary of the government officials because they made good decision about the cows..

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:33 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

You sure you aren't talkin' about American-ism???

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tracker
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:12 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Canadianism--You have two cows, the government creates grants to pay you to not milk the cows

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SwampFox
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:15 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Bushy,
I think the American version is a combination of Aussie and Canadian with a few trimmings.

If it had no truth to it at all it would not be humor, but to much truth will make you cry.
Ed

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Vince
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:46 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Yep.....you got pretty much correct Gelan with your Australian-ism.

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
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Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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1895ss
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:34 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

tracker wrote:
Canadianism--You have two cows, the government creates grants to pay you to not milk the cows

Yep I think you're correct there tracker.
Bushy, I think it's more like "North Americanism" ..........

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tracker
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 10:06 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Further on Canadianism---then the government branch that controls the dairy industry forces the price of milk up (supply and demand, shortage of milk price goes up) and they use the money to cover off the grants to the guy not milking his cows.

First response to Canadianism---HoneyNut Cheerios go down real good when you pour beer on them, LOL

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 10:44 am    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Eeeyuck!!! What a waste of perfectly good beer...

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tracker
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 12:21 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

gotta get my fiber somewhere, dude... Very Happy Very Happy

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 12:40 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Munch on a tree then...

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
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tracker
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 12:51 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

nah...really spoils the taste of the beer it takes to wash it down

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:04 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Bitter you say...

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tracker
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:10 pm    Post subject: Re: cow-ism Reply with quote

Bitter!....Like an ex-wife bitter!! Haha Haha

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