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Aussie Poetry
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2020 5:09 pm    Post subject: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

The warmth and heart wrenching simplicity of Australian bush poetry can bring a tear to the eye.


We are blessed in Australia to have such an abundant wealth of talented story tellers through whom future generations can learn of our history and 21st century lifestyle.

Here is a classical example: A Poem About Tomatoes

I know a ANTIFA whose name is Jim,
I really love throwing tomatoes at him,
Tomatoes are soft & don't hurt the skin,
But these buggers do, 'cos they're still in the tin

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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RePete
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 954
Location: Gods Country

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 1:49 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS.
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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 892
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:32 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Vince ,,,,, The tomatoes may be wrapped in lead ,,,,the way things are going after yesterdays election . Hope it doesn't come to that,,,,but

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?


Last edited by pete4d on Wed Nov 04, 2020 6:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2276
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 3:17 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

and the use of garlic instead of tomatoes would make it easier for the tracking-dogs...

it's not that good for the environment not to do the search and also: that's the only way to check the results...
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Aloysius wrote:
and the use of garlic instead of tomatoes would make it easier for the tracking-dogs...

it's not that good for the environment not to do the search and also: that's the only way to check the results...

Good idea mate...one must consider the environment, and of course the results on the target.

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8428
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2020 12:37 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

hmmmm tin of tomatoes out of black powder canon....yip thatll work.

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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 4177
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:53 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
hmmmm tin of tomatoes out of black powder canon....yip thatll work.

I'm gonna need a bigger cannon. The one I made will only hold a golf ball.

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Paul
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1627
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:52 am    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
hmmmm tin of tomatoes out of black powder canon....yip thatll work.

According to an old mate of mine, they make a right mess of an OPFOR tank when launched by a blank out of the 105mm gun on a Chieftain. Very Happy
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8428
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 4:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

PaulS wrote:
Elvis wrote:
hmmmm tin of tomatoes out of black powder canon....yip thatll work.

I'm gonna need a bigger cannon. The one I made will only hold a golf ball.
so will a red bull tin fit?????

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:50 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
Elvis wrote:
hmmmm tin of tomatoes out of black powder canon....yip thatll work.

According to an old mate of mine, they make a right mess of an OPFOR tank when launched by a blank out of the 105mm gun on a Chieftain. Very Happy

That would be funny to see mate, especially if you hit the turret just above the drivers head, or target the Comd’s cupola, hitting the open turret lid...SPLAAATTT Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Mad Mad Mad Laughing Laughing Laughing Cool

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 892
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:41 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Got a good mental picture of that happening,,,,,,,

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date

The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!

I'm on the watch list are you ?


Last edited by pete4d on Fri Nov 06, 2020 7:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 4177
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 7:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

The ID of the barrel on my cannon is 1.69" and a golf ball has to have a wad to fit snug. I believe golf balls are 1.68" or 42.68mm. Some are bigger (tighter fitting) but I haven't found any smaller.

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Paul
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So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8428
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

can is 53mm...so thats a nope.....pretty sure all the aloy cans will be generic size....might find something plastic that fits....or or or or you could find plastic one slightly too big,with same internal diameter and freeze it with somthing like glyphosphate in it and fire frozen payload into wild blue yonder to puzzle the begezus out of who evers land in arrives on....mini ice cubes of roundup work really well on rental properties where dogs arent allowed....tenants get blamed for having dogs n kicked out.....

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14725
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2020 12:41 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
... freeze it with somthing like glyphosphate in it and fire frozen payload into wild blue yonder to puzzle the begezus out of who evers land in arrives on....mini ice cubes of roundup work really well on rental properties where dogs arent allowed....tenants get blamed for having dogs n kicked out.....

That’s just mean and evil mate...I like it...what a perfect way to deal with that problem.

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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English Mike
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1627
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2020 1:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Aussie Poetry Reply with quote

PaulS wrote:
The ID of the barrel on my cannon is 1.69" and a golf ball has to have a wad to fit snug. I believe golf balls are 1.68" or 42.68mm. Some are bigger (tighter fitting) but I haven't found any smaller.

Official minimum in the UK is 1.62" - supposedly fly straighter on windy days.
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