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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15856 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2020 7:11 pm Post subject: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Humour includes a generous amount of poetic/journalistic licence:-
Britannia waives the rules - APOLOGIES TO UK EXPATS
The Royal Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws. The Royal Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of behaviour.
The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will be a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only work a maximum of 37hrs per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime. All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a crèche and a gay disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling water. Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available on request.
Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by the greeting "Hello Sailor".
All information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille, with the option for more if personnel from other ethnic groups join the ship’s company.
Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female and transgender crew.
The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must never be seen.
The newly renamed HMS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain Hook from the Naval Group Committee of the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the sea as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England's south coast.
The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new orders or legislation from Brussels."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9340 Location: south island New Zealand
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2020 8:13 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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oh that is just too sad,it does however reasonably accurately reflect what is wrong with the world we live in today.
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11429 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 8:35 am Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Vince that is pronounced/spelled "Hello Thailor"
_________________ I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...
DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote... |
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English Mike Super Member
Joined: Jan 08, 2007 Posts: 1709 Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 1:01 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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That's so 2006...
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15856 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 4:02 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
Vince that is pronounced/spelled "Hello Thailor" |
“English Mike“ wrote: |
Thats so 2006... |
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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PaulS Super Member
Joined: Feb 18, 2006 Posts: 4330 Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 10:56 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Bushy is telling the truth - he was a sailor and is reporting what was heard on shore leave. Although he alwas demanded a girl with less beard than he had.
your friend, still
Paul
_________________ Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads |
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Bushmaster Super Member
Joined: Jun 12, 2005 Posts: 11429 Location: Ava, Missouri
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15856 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2020 4:11 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
As long as her beard was below her waist. |
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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PaulS Super Member
Joined: Feb 18, 2006 Posts: 4330 Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State
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pete4d Super Member
Joined: Nov 27, 2011 Posts: 957 Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:29 am Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Bushmaster wrote: |
:lol: As long as her beard was below her waist. |
_________________ "march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968
When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other. up-date
The secret to enjoying life is to never take it too seriously, as you will never make it out alive!
I'm on the watch list are you ? |
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dhc4ever Super Member
Joined: May 26, 2011 Posts: 2944 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2020 5:04 pm Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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Once a sailor, ..........
_________________ Pete
Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics.............. |
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Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9340 Location: south island New Zealand
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Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2020 12:29 am Post subject: Re: Apologies to Pomgolia and her sailors |
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PaulS wrote: |
I like it! Nice one Bushy. |
in the 70s you could use that statement minus the words "nice one"
and no one would think you strange.
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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PaulS Super Member
Joined: Feb 18, 2006 Posts: 4330 Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State
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