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one for the L.E.O.s
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8612
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2016 2:16 am    Post subject: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria, Australia), Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication.

Lawrence explained that, as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, he decided to stop.
"You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside... well, there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around..." he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.
"I s'pose I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior Constable Jackie approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' Senior Constable Jackie told the magistrate.
'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin...'

Constable Jackie went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ....
"I said: 'Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?
"Lawrence froze. He was clearly very surprised that I was there, but then he looked me straight in the eye and said: ....
'A pumpkin? Shit - is it midnight already'?"

The court (and the magistrate) could not contain their mirth.

The Geelong Post wrote an article describing this as
'The best come-back line ever.'

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2806
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2016 5:31 am    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Classic.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14958
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:09 am    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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RePete
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 987
Location: Gods Country

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:38 am    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Worship

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Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS.
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lesterg3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1327
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:11 am    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing

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"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6197
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:47 pm    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Very Happy

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A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


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PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 4275
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 5:26 pm    Post subject: Re: one for the L.E.O.s Reply with quote

Never eating another pumpkin, in any way, EVER! Yuck

NEVER!

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Paul
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