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Learning to cuss
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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lesterg3
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:53 am    Post subject: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss".

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass".

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,

"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios"..

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:52 am    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

Thanks Lester...

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PaulS
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

... and that's when the violence began ...

I was sheltered from all that growing up. My parents never swore or even had loud discussions. I suppose that's why when my dad said, "get off your butt and get downstairs and clean the basement." it made a real impression on me. Dad believed in corporal punishment and used a belt on me a LOT (I deserved it most of the time) but when he used the word "butt" it was as close to swearing as I had heard from him.

I rarely swear and my present wife and I never fight or argue about anything. We have discussions occasionally and it usually starts out with her saying, "I need to talk with my husband, not the counselor." I have a habit of going into that counselor mode too often I suppose - you know "active listening" and repeating what I understood in different words. So I know when she just needs to vent or hear me say I will work on that, then we hug and go on from there. She is a good woman with very few bad habits and she puts up will all my bad habits and still loves me.

My first wife was a joke! Addicts have no sense of humor or any sense of anything other than the need for their next fix. The joke was on me because it took me 10 years to figure out that she was an addict. My best friend knew it long before I did. The joke was over after the last three years of hell when the divorce was final.

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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
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Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

90% of the time I don't swear but put me behind the wheel of my truck & I swear like a trooper at all the ars**oles who infest the UK's roads these days...

..the dithering, dangerous, incompetent wan**rs.

PS: I held back, this being a family friendly place...
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
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Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

yip Mike I hear you on that one...trying really hard to clean up my potty mouth but these incompetant dipsticks would try the patience of saint.....
my current method to tone it down when it gets too much is to bless them and wish them a nice day after cussing them good and proper....work in progress you could say.

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

I'm retired Navy... You think I might have a bit of a "flowery" (read "salty") speech?

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
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Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:14 am    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

Ex military and I now drive for a living.....
English is a very expressive language.
Brisbane drivers, gott in himmel!

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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1051
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Sun Feb 11, 2018 3:15 pm    Post subject: Re: Learning to cuss Reply with quote

Traffic-I catch turretts-it can last for days!Ex navy,ex construction hack,live around loggers.Need I say more? wtf

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