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Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13310
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 2:25 am    Post subject: Hmmm Reply with quote

1. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
2. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
3. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
4. I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
5. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
6. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
7. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
8. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
9. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
10. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. WELL!! We'll just see about that!
11. I think my neighbour is stalking me - she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
12. Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
13. You're not fat, you're just.. easier to see.
14. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Super Member
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7254
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 4:42 am    Post subject: Re: Hmmm Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Vince!

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1294
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 11:24 am    Post subject: Re: Hmmm Reply with quote

Thanks Vince I stole that to post elsewhere. LOL.

"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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