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One day a man decided to retire...
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13629
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:17 am    Post subject: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandanna around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Harley?” Surprised Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
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Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:39 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Cheers Haha Haha Haha

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Oh my.. Haha Haha

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7535
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:03 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

too much Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
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Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:38 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Vince!

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:09 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Hummm...Have to question which would be better. Her or the Harley.

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Tremblay
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:47 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

That depends

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Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
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Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:30 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Well do you want a Harley made out of turtle shell and coconuts?



Suz
likes a
ride

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PaulS
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Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:30 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Even I like a good ride, but I don't like things that have two wheels. Wink

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inthedark
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 2:48 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

ROTFLMAO

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War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 4:03 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

The question that comes to mind is...Does Sues wear turtle shells and coconuts?

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:25 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Only on my Harley (and he's not really that particular).


Suz

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:47 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Kinky......

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13629
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:30 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
The question that comes to mind is...Does Sues wear turtle shells and coconuts?

Suz wrote:
Only on my Harley (and he's not really that particular).

Suz

That is helluva mental pic guys. Shocked Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Cool

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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