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Love the Irish
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13930
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:44 pm    Post subject: Love the Irish Reply with quote

Love the Irish


Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.

Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.

His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy" he replies.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"What the hell you doing?" he asks.

"Hangin’ meself" Paddy replies.

"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.

"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

.. ……………….

An American tourist asks an Irish dive master:

"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the Irishman replies:

"If they fell forwards, they'd still be in da boat."

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7782
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Love the Irish Reply with quote

thanks for the chuckle matey I work with a few Irish guys so its an extra good chuckle for me.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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cbsweeney
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 197
Location: New York

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:00 am    Post subject: Re: Love the Irish Reply with quote

I just love it! I gotta copy this and send it to my Brother.

_________________
Give a man a fish, and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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