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Thanksgiving 2022 (potentially not funny)
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Super Member
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2342
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 1:46 pm    Post subject: Thanksgiving 2022 (potentially not funny) Reply with quote


Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her
husband. "In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered.

Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football
game between Detroit and Washington . Ever since the government passed the
Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its
"unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world",
Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch
wasn't nearly as exciting.

Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the
thought of eating another Tofu Turkey . Even though it was the best type of
VeggieMeat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity
Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which
already included potatoes, cranberry sauce, and mincemeat pie), it wasn't
anything like real turkey.

And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving
Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020, to officially acknowledge the
Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had
lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of
government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even
weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since
Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all
thermostats - which were monitored and controlled by the electric company -
be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely
tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the

Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up
her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated
conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private
insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the
government health care program.

And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort.
"The RHC's resources are limited," explained the government bureaucrat
Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to
which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."

Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car
last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021
outlawed the use of the combustion engines - for everyone but government
officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed
didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and

Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in.

Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the
occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so
soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which
severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully
smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added
"inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead
of the terrorists."

Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the
government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via
Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group
or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved.
Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had
become almost routine. Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a
Court composed of four progressives and five conservatives to leave the law
intact. "A living Constitution is extremely flexible", said the Court's
eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years.
We should learn from their example," she added.

Winston's thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with
his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston
had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time,
even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred
when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he
could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was
the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the
bird flu, terrorism, or any of a number of other calamities were "just
around the corner", but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude
that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn't
help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a
cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute
of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human
being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered
excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result
of QE13.

The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated
was, once again, to "spur economic growth." This time, they promised to push
unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not
particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before
remembering it was a Day of Atonement.

At least, he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized
his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long
before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their
full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never
realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once,
but little by little, so people could drink their tea and get used to them.
He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there
was still time, maybe back around 2011, when all the real nonsense began.

"Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said 'enough is
enough' when we had the chance," he thought.

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.


Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7419
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 12:09 am    Post subject: Re: Thanksgiving 2022 (potentially not funny) Reply with quote

hmmm yes.
where will we be at that time I do wonder???

You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:33 am    Post subject: Re: Thanksgiving 2022 (potentially not funny) Reply with quote

Makes you wonder anymore with big brother telling you what you can and can't do nowdays and its getting worst.


Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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