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Actual signs in GBJokes, funny stories and general humor
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44marty Super Member
Joined: Mar 20, 2009 Posts: 775 Location: Cheshire, MA; USA
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:15 am Post subject: Actual signs in GB |
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Found these on Jokersrevenge.com.....
Actual signs seen in England
Notice at Northampton Racecourse NO HORSES
Sign in a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE
REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
Sign in a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACKOR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
In an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
On a church door:THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT.
PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Outside a second-hand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES,
WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A
WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince
of Wales:THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN
CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio:OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO
OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME.
Sign warning of quicksand:QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS
POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:DUE TO INCREASING
PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE
WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP
THEM IN ORDER.
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS
HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage:PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL
PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND
DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
Notice in a field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL
YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
Sign on a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK
HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
_________________ _____________________________________
The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling
I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!! |
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slimjim Super Member
Joined: May 16, 2009 Posts: 8314 Location: Fort Worth TX
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:43 pm Post subject: Re: Actual signs in GB |
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A bit slow, but a couple of good ones like ...
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
_________________ "To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein |
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