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NO Speak English
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13633
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:29 pm    Post subject: NO Speak English Reply with quote

NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto .

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.

She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.

The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
What were you
Thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

Now get back to your work !


I worry about you
Sometimes !

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Azar
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Joined: Jan 04, 2010
Posts: 273
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:00 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

Ha ha. Nice one Vince.
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Crackshot
Super Member
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Joined: Oct 23, 2005
Posts: 1693
Location: Mich

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:17 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

Good one Vince!!

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The human mind is the weapon, the gun is just one of its tools.
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:01 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

You lost me at Toronto, why wouldn't she just go to a Russian butcher? We have stores that cater to every nation you can think of, Russian being a big one actually. Confused

Never mind that, just with the large number of immigrants here people just have to point and nod, no need to speak English. Laughing

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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1895ss
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: Not Here...!!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:17 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

Ummmmmmmmm 'Mitri ............... ohhhhhhhhh never mind .............................. Surprised wtf Shocked Bonk Poke Very Happy

Good one Vince .......................... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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slimjim
Super Member
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7562
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:20 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

Dimitri wrote:
with the large number of immigrants here


Are they legal or illegal, or is that politically incorrect to ask?
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906

PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:24 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

In Toronto? Most are legal. Not hard to move to Canada. Especially after the Liberal Federal Government of the late 90s.

Dimitri

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RePete
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 806

PostPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 6:13 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote

Dimitri wrote:
In Toronto? Most are legal. Not hard to move to Canada. Especially after the Liberal Federal Government of the late 90s.

Dimitri

Ain't that the truth.

If you want to learn a second language in Toronto, take a taxi.

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Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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