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NO Speak English
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15715
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:29 pm    Post subject: NO Speak English Reply with quote
NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto .

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.

She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.

The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
*
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What were you
Thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

Now get back to your work !


I worry about you
Sometimes !

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Azar
Member
Member


Joined: Jan 04, 2010
Posts: 275
Location: Utah
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:00 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
Ha ha. Nice one Vince.
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Crackshot
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 23, 2005
Posts: 1693
Location: Mich
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:17 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
Good one Vince!!

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The human mind is the weapon, the gun is just one of its tools.
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Dimitri
Super Member
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:01 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
You lost me at Toronto, why wouldn't she just go to a Russian butcher? We have stores that cater to every nation you can think of, Russian being a big one actually. Confused

Never mind that, just with the large number of immigrants here people just have to point and nod, no need to speak English. Laughing

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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1895ss
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2612
Location: Not Here...!!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:17 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
Ummmmmmmmm 'Mitri ............... ohhhhhhhhh never mind .............................. Surprised wtf Shocked Bonk Poke Very Happy

Good one Vince .......................... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 8314
Location: Fort Worth TX
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:20 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
Dimitri wrote:
with the large number of immigrants here


Are they legal or illegal, or is that politically incorrect to ask?
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:24 pm    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
In Toronto? Most are legal. Not hard to move to Canada. Especially after the Liberal Federal Government of the late 90s.

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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RePete
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 1035
Location: Gods Country
PostPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 6:13 am    Post subject: Re: NO Speak English Reply with quote
Dimitri wrote:
In Toronto? Most are legal. Not hard to move to Canada. Especially after the Liberal Federal Government of the late 90s.

Dimitri

Ain't that the truth.

If you want to learn a second language in Toronto, take a taxi.

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Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as RESPECT FOR OTHERS.
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