The Irish

Vince · Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:05 pm Post subject: The Irish

You Gotta Love the Irish

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. ; ; ; I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

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Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says:

'Oh Faith and Begorrah, on your knees and pray, the Good Lord! He's done it again!'

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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

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Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.& nbsp;

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Cheers, Vince

sniper · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:28 am Post subject: Re: The Irish

They say the good Lord invented whiskey just to keep the Irish from rulin' the world! Laughing

mikeleduc · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 8:05 am Post subject: Re: The Irish

It's true! I've had some of the "good" Irish Whiskey it was fantastic, nothing like Paddy or Jamesons. The only thing on my mind after that was where was I going to find another bottle? Sadly, I have not yet found another, I've looked everywhere around Dingle and I'm so focused on finding another bottle I've let all those plans for world domination fade away.

Pumpkinslinger · Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: Re: The Irish

Is this politically correct? Shocked

Vince · Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 11:17 pm Post subject: Re: The Irish

Pumpkinslinger wrote:

Is this politically correct? Shocked

Well now Mike....depends on what you consider to be politically correct mate. Confused

I am part Irish (my grandpappy was born in Newry Northern Ireland), part Scottish (my other grandpappy is part of the Scottish Clan Fraser-hiss pappy was born in Scotland) andI was born and raised in Australia, so politically correctness to me is an unknown factor, and one that I have no desire to acquire...life's much simpler that way......and a heck of a lot more fun too. Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

mikeleduc · Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:26 am Post subject: Re: The Irish

Politically correct? This is a firearms forum, right? While I do not have a drop of Irish blood in me, I do feel qualified to speak in this subject as I lived amongst them for a few years. I had a nice little shack outside of Swinford, Co. Mayo. And on occasion or everyday, I was visited by many a thirsty neighbor and, of course, it was only down right neighborly to offer them a taste and then sit back and enjoy the crack, which always lasted 3-4 hours. And if the Irish are not planning to rule the world then why did everyone including, the Priest, the Garda, etc... think that I was running guns for the IRA. Not that I don't think they should free the six, but I was just looking for a quiet spot to relax and enjoy. I love the Irish they are very friendly and willing to help out with anything you ask, just don't ask for directions, unless your looking for the local church. There how's that for political correctness?

Vince · Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject: Re: The Irish

Sounds good to me mate. Laughing

Cheers, Vince