HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 1
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 254
BOT: 1
Total: 255
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Forums
11: Forums
12: Home
13: Photo Albums
14: Statistics
15: Forums
16: Your Account
17: Your Account
18: Photo Albums
19: Your Account
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Home
24: Forums
25: Home
26: Forums
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Home
30: Forums
31: Your Account
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Forums
37: Photo Albums
38: Photo Albums
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Your Account
47: Photo Albums
48: Your Account
49: Forums
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Forums
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Your Account
59: Forums
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Your Account
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Your Account
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Statistics
80: Forums
81: Photo Albums
82: Photo Albums
83: Forums
84: Photo Albums
85: Forums
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Forums
89: Forums
90: Your Account
91: Forums
92: Forums
93: Your Account
94: Forums
95: Your Account
96: Forums
97: Forums
98: Forums
99: Your Account
100: Forums
101: Home
102: Forums
103: Home
104: Home
105: Statistics
106: Forums
107: Forums
108: Photo Albums
109: Forums
110: Your Account
111: Forums
112: Forums
113: Forums
114: Forums
115: Forums
116: Your Account
117: Forums
118: Forums
119: Statistics
120: Forums
121: Forums
122: Forums
123: Forums
124: Forums
125: Forums
126: Forums
127: Forums
128: Forums
129: Photo Albums
130: Forums
131: Your Account
132: Forums
133: Statistics
134: Forums
135: Forums
136: Home
137: Forums
138: Forums
139: Forums
140: Forums
141: Your Account
142: Forums
143: Forums
144: Forums
145: Forums
146: Home
147: Forums
148: Forums
149: Forums
150: Your Account
151: Home
152: Forums
153: Forums
154: Forums
155: Forums
156: Forums
157: Photo Albums
158: Forums
159: Your Account
160: Forums
161: Photo Albums
162: Home
163: Forums
164: Forums
165: Forums
166: Forums
167: Forums
168: Forums
169: Forums
170: Forums
171: Your Account
172: Photo Albums
173: Forums
174: Home
175: Forums
176: Your Account
177: Forums
178: Forums
179: Home
180: Forums
181: Forums
182: Forums
183: Forums
184: Home
185: Photo Albums
186: Forums
187: Forums
188: Forums
189: Forums
190: Forums
191: Forums
192: Photo Albums
193: Forums
194: Your Account
195: Your Account
196: Forums
197: Forums
198: PointBlank Online
199: Photo Albums
200: Forums
201: Forums
202: Home
203: Forums
204: Forums
205: Photo Albums
206: Forums
207: Forums
208: Forums
209: Forums
210: Articles: Submit New
211: Forums
212: Forums
213: Forums
214: Forums
215: Photo Albums
216: Forums
217: Forums
218: Forums
219: Forums
220: Photo Albums
221: Forums
222: Forums
223: Home
224: Your Account
225: Photo Albums
226: Forums
227: Forums
228: Forums
229: Forums
230: Forums
231: Forums
232: Forums
233: Forums
234: Forums
235: Home
236: Forums
237: Forums
238: Forums
239: Photo Albums
240: Forums
241: Forums
242: Forums
243: Forums
244: Forums
245: Forums
246: Forums
247: Forums
248: Forums
249: Forums
250: Forums
251: Forums
252: Forums
253: Forums
254: Forums
  BOT:
01: Home

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820723
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Airline Announcements
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:24 am    Post subject: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" Mad

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." Shocked

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. Very Happy

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane" Smile

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." Very Happy

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" wtf

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." Shocked

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." Shocked

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a s mall child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite." Smile

10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." Very Happy

11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing and we become a cruise liner , please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments." Very Happy

12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." Cool

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" Sad

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt." Laughing

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" Surprised

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." Very Happy

17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door whil e the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?" Confused wtf

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." wtf

19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways." Laughing

20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em." Very Happy

21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, " That's nothing. You should see the back of mine." Surprised Shocked Sad

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
delboy
Member
Member


Joined: Apr 21, 2005
Posts: 240
Location: London England

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:46 am    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

Vinnie - you slay me man! Don't know where you get them all but you missed out the biggest airline joke of all.............. BRITISH AIRWAYS!!

_________________
There are few problems in life that cannot be solved with sufficient high explosive........
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15701
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:33 am    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

Thanks delboy. I get them from mates all over the world. We just send them around to one another when we come across them.

I didn't mind BA (remember them when they were BOAC) when I was in Europe and the UK, but that was many many years ago.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:40 am    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

ROFL

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
mikekuzara
Member
Member


Joined: Sep 13, 2005
Posts: 147
Location: Farson, Wyoming

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:49 am    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

On a United Express flight the attendant giving the safety lecture said. "This works like every seatbelt in the world, and if you can't figure it out, either your mommy or your nurse will buckle it for you" and "Since our course is completely over a desert, a water landing will mean we have drifted WAY off course and you may use your seat cushion to join the cast of "Lost""

_________________
Build a fire for a man and he is warm for a day.

Set a man on fire and he is warm the rest of his life.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:51 pm    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

Re-read this, this cracked me just as much as it did the first time I read it. Haha

But on a more important note, both Delboy and Mike havn't posted in a while. Confused

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
codybrown
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 10, 2007
Posts: 379
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

I liked the very last one the best

_________________
I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly larger.
Back to top
View user's profile
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6396
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 9:08 pm    Post subject: Re: Airline Announcements Reply with quote

Now I'm worried to get in to an airplane..
Maybe I should look for better job... Shocked Shocked

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.