IN GENERAL
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your Ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN Ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no; it alters the taste of finger foods and it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's your responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.


DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
3. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

So THAT's how Vince lives...What a deal...

Too much to remember
Keep it coming...

Damn.....Daveyboy....you're giving away all our secrets mate.

There are a couple of amendments in there though mate:

1. It is acceptable to take an open stubby of beer to a job interview....so long as you have one for the interviewer. He is not required to return the shout.

2. It is permissible to take an esky to church so long as there is enough beer for the other men in the congregation and it is understood that it is someone else's shout the following week.

3. It is ok to use panty hose and duct tape to tow a car.....so long as the other guys wife provides the panty hose.

4. When sending your wife off to get petrol in a can for the car you should never NEED to ask her to bring back beer as well.....she should do it automatically.

Cheers, Vince

Quote::

4. When sending your wife off to get petrol in a can for the car you should never NEED to ask her to bring back beer as well.....she should do it automatically.

Must have some good women in Australia.

Dimitri

Dimitri wrote:

Quote:: 4. When sending your wife off to get petrol in a can for the car you should never NEED to ask her to bring back beer as well.....she should do it automatically. Must have some good women in Australia. Dimitri

SOME...mate, they are all good. Most women over here enjoy a beer almost as much as the men mate.

Cheers, Vince

Hey!!! Mine's trained to get a case of beer every time she goes to the store for food. And she's Morman...Now THAT's training...

Bushmaster wrote:

Hey!!! Mine's trained to get a case of beer every time she goes to the store for food. And she's Morman...Now THAT's training...

Bushy, I am humbled mate. To train your wife like that is...well.....I just can't put it into words mate. I bow down to my better.

Cheers, Vince

Quote::

Hey!!! Mine's trained to get a case of beer every time she goes to the store for food. And she's Morman...Now THAT's training...

Bushmaster wins this I'm going to have to admit.

Bushmaster tell us how you managed to pull that one off.

Dimitri

Short story??? I'm the boss? Or she let's me think I am by obeying me? She sure has me fooled...

Bushy's lying .. Yeah me mate Tony in Syd sent me that one a while back ..

Hi
I got it even better than bushy- marry a wog girl- they are already trained by their family- you just have to fine tune them to your tastes.

other part for me is that mines been doing ballet for 20+ years and can kick me in the head without even warming up- when I get out of line.- often.
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ater
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