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Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE
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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 748
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 1:40 pm    Post subject: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

Congress Members To Wear Barcodes Scratch So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout (satire)
babylonbee.com/news/co...-checkout^ | June 21, 2020 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 6/25/2020, 3:27:28 PM by gattaca

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

"Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process," said a Planned Parenthood representative. "Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans."

"We hate humans---like, a lot," the PP rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

"When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation's legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast," said one AFBB lawyer. "An attack on Iran can't wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go.

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14452
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 4:52 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 8198
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

precious....absolute gold.

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14452
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2020 4:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

Hey...I just thought of a way to ease my COVID boredom...can I have the job of stamping the barcodes on their foreheads? I’ll get Gelan to make an adjustable touch mark that will fit a 500 ton press, then start stamping. Oh, I guess I’ll need a good firehose and umm, an incinerator, to keep the workshop clean as well.

Cool Cool Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2634
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2020 1:26 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

Youll need a splash guard around that.
Yell out if you need a hand

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1539
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2020 3:24 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

dhc4ever wrote:
Youll need a splash guard around that.
Yell out if you need a hand

I think he'll have an abundance of hands & other body parts to spare... Very Happy
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14452
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Congress Members To Wear Barcodes / SATIRE Reply with quote

English Mike wrote:
dhc4ever wrote:
Youll need a splash guard around that.
Yell out if you need a hand

I think he'll have an abundance of hands & other body parts to spare... Very Happy

Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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