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Something to ponder
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5830
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 4:14 pm    Post subject: Something to ponder Reply with quote

1. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;
Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!

3. A young boy asks his Dad: What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman;
Which book has helped you most in your life?
The woman replied; My husband’s cheque book!

5. A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? Sales Girl : Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!

6. Someone asked an old man : Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love. What’s the secret?
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!

7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13470
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 4:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7453
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:30 am    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckles, gelandangan!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10480
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:53 am    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

Number 1 and number 6...The best.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1732
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 2:09 pm    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

wtf

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7353
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 2:25 pm    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

thanks guys that has started my day off great.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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dhc4ever
Super Member
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2333
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 3:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

You are an evil man trembles.
Coffee over the tablet,again.

Number 3 is a pearler.

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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lesterg3
Super Member
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1322
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:32 am    Post subject: Re: Something to ponder Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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