The International Council of Manhood Bylaws:

RULES OF MANHOOD

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. It is fine, however, to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only if you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and only if it's delivered by a topless model....and only if it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
1) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
2) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
3) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" had carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: If a Man learns that She lives on her own and owns more than one cat, He must run, not walk away. He must never become a [shudder] cat person.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: Any pizza ordered by a man should be predominantly meat-based. In the (unlikely) event that there are non-meat products on said pizza, care should be taken that meat products outnumber non-meat products by a ratio of at least 2:1.

30: While it is permissable to own firearms in other calibers, all men are strongly encouraged to own at least one pistol or revolver chambered for a caliber that starts with a "4".


We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.


International Council of Manhood

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Dimitri

Opps,

Wanted to post this in the joke section oh well

Dimitri

It's posted correctly. That is not a joke. It's life as a man sees it. Not a "brokeback" man...

Bushmaster,

I know its not a joke Just this type of thing is normally posted in a joke section of a site (where I got it off)

Dimitri

Well I'm going to send a copy to my wife - We were discussing this just a couple of days ago. I will have to admit she was right!

Paul,

What was she right about ??

Dimitri

All hail and bow down to the International Council of Manhood.

The man who penned these immortal and true words is most venerated.

Thanks for refreshing these rules for me Dimitri.

Cheers, Vince

We were discussing the "traits of manhood" in the USA.
The only one that the list above doesn't have is the line; "Real men don't eat quiche."
Some is good and some is not - but I do eat it. I break other rules too but I suppose it's allowed.