HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: kurtsteinke
New Today: 1
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 12413

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 100
BOT: 4
Total: 104
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Your Account
10: Forums
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Forums
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Forums
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Forums
22: Your Account
23: Home
24: Forums
25: Forums
26: Photo Albums
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Forums
30: Forums
31: Forums
32: Forums
33: Home
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Forums
37: Forums
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Forums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Forums
46: Forums
47: Photo Albums
48: Forums
49: Photo Albums
50: Photo Albums
51: Forums
52: Photo Albums
53: PointBlank Ballistics
54: Forums
55: Photo Albums
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Forums
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Photo Albums
63: News
64: Photo Albums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Forums
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Forums
76: Forums
77: News
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Forums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Forums
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Forums
89: Your Account
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Forums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Forums
96: Forums
97: Forums
98: Forums
99: Forums
100: Forums
  BOT:
01: Forums
02: Your Account
03: Forums
04: Home

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 300
 Pictures: 2352
  · Views: 271256
  · Votes: 1288
  · Comments: 86
 

Support our Advertisers

One day a man decided to retire...
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12965
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:17 am    Post subject: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandanna around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Harley?” Surprised Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1523
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:39 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Cheers Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5677
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:30 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Oh my.. Haha Haha

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website
Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6871
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:03 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

too much Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
Back to top
View user's profile
slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6959
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 2:38 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Vince!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
Back to top
View user's profile
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10239
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:09 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Hummm...Have to question which would be better. Her or the Harley.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1523
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:47 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

That depends

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:30 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Well do you want a Harley made out of turtle shell and coconuts?



Suz
likes a
ride

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
Back to top
View user's profile
PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3363
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Even I like a good ride, but I don't like things that have two wheels. Wink

_________________
Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
inthedark
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jan 31, 2011
Posts: 735
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 3:48 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

ROTFLMAO

_________________
Chimo
Ron

War is sweet to those who have no experience of it, but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach - Pindar 518-438BC
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10239
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:03 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

The question that comes to mind is...Does Sues wear turtle shells and coconuts?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:25 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Only on my Harley (and he's not really that particular).


Suz

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
Back to top
View user's profile
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10239
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 4:47 am    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Kinky......

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12965
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:30 pm    Post subject: Re: One day a man decided to retire... Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
The question that comes to mind is...Does Sues wear turtle shells and coconuts?

Suz wrote:
Only on my Harley (and he's not really that particular).

Suz

That is helluva mental pic guys. Shocked Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Cool

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Advertisements
 


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.