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Scottish Cows
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Azar
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Joined: Jan 04, 2010
Posts: 274
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 3:43 pm    Post subject: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.

The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They brought the cow from Scotland.

It was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.
She just never seems to be in the mood to cooperate."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance get this cow in Scotland?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland..."
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13880
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:46 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10646
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:59 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Aaah...Now that wasn't nice...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Azar
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Joined: Jan 04, 2010
Posts: 274
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:05 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Eh, I figure I have enough Scottish blood running through my veins that it's not prejudicial. Very Happy
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1890
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:18 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

I wonder where my ex is from ????

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Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10646
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:26 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Don't know 'bout your ex, but my ex was of French heritage and she was a cold fish.

Me? Strong Scotch heritage...

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7743
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 12:53 pm    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13880
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:11 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

SCOTTISH Bushy, Scottish mate. Scotch is that nectar of the Gods that we like to sip on a cool night. Cheers Laughing Laughing

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1890
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:20 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Yes sir Vince, scoch, water no ice.

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain


Last edited by Tremblay on Fri Jan 09, 2015 7:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2409
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 1:39 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Perhaps he had a wee tipple before he answered.....

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2409
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 1:41 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Perhaps he had a wee tipple before he answered.....

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7743
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:05 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Scratch looks like dhc has too as he is hiccuping already Very Happy Very Happy

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2164
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:52 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

Bushy, and you prefer your scotch with ice? So as long as you don't go to the cold Northren countries, in my opinion you made a good choise... Smile
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10646
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 9:34 am    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

I prefer my Scotch neat. I've had too many bad ice cubes over the years.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2164
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 1:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Scottish Cows Reply with quote

I understand. When I drink water it will also keep me awake all night... besides it's demineralising you!
Even my dog prefers beer instead of water. So water cannot be good, look what fish do in that stuff... not to mention the Ganges in India...
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