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I'm in of need advice,,,help
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 449
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:44 am    Post subject: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

> A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts
> on their cell phones.
> The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send
> her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a
> friend. She texted:
>
> If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
> If you are laughing, send me your smile.
> If you are eating, send me a bite.
> If you are drinking, send me a sip.
> If you are crying, send me your tears.
> I love you.
>
> The husband , being a no-nonsense sort of guy,
> texted back:
>
> I'm on the toilet. Please advise.
>
>

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13708
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:04 pm    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Surprised Shocked Shocked Shocked Confused Confused wtf wtf Fart Laughing Laughing Laughing

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7617
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:14 pm    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Embarassed Embarassed Very Happy

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2374
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:18 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

My wife nearly sprayed tea out of her nose when I read this to her.
Said it sounded like me.......

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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mohsinj677
Rookie Member
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Joined: Jul 26, 2013
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 3:15 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Mad This post is so great and NIce Embarassed

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
> If you are laughing, send me your smile.
> If you are eating, send me a bite.
> If you are drinking, send me a sip.
> If you are crying, send me your tears.
> I love you. Crying or Very sad

_________________
leather4sure leather4sure leather jacket women220-701 actualtests 220-701 dumps220-702 actualtests 220-702 dumps70-642 actualtests 70-642 dumps
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10608
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 6:43 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Oh? Hey great!

Now back to the punch line...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:02 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Sit tight Bushy I'm on the toilet......



can I send you a bite?
send you my tears?
send me some paper!

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10608
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:12 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Zig-Zag?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13708
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:11 pm    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

...a bidet maybe?

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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tikkat3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 714

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:19 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

No mater who you are or who you are with the conversation will always turn to .....
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:56 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Yeah wait'll they hit mano-pause....so....Tikka what are you a monk?

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10608
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:02 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Hummm...That rhymes with "g'day"...

Mano-pause? Men don't suffer from "mano-pause". Only women do...And THEY make men suffer for it. Evil Devil

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:37 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Mano-pause? Men don't suffer from "mano-pause". Only women do...And THEY make men suffer for it. Evil Devil

Ain't that the truth!!! Now where is that ladder? Hiding

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Aloysius
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2146
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:38 am    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

I think she meant the pano-mause...
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 8:53 pm    Post subject: Re: I'm in of need advice,,,help Reply with quote

I don't know where to go from here....g'day bidet....I think I'll market that.
Pano-mause...sounds Germanic....maybe this is it just a guess....

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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