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Friday funnies
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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radar
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1101
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:30 pm    Post subject: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Blonde joke
There was this blonde being flown in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot - who has a heart attack and promptly dies. She, frantic, slaps on the radio a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control, and I heard you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and guide you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position"

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.

"Repeat after me: Our Father Who Art in Heaven..."




Biology Exam
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground 
where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

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George Orwell
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 2:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

That first joke was a bulls eye.

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:45 pm    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Very Happy

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7307
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

thanks for that.....

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13425
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Good ones Elvis...well done mate.

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7307
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:19 am    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed
good one Radar Embarassed Embarassed
Im sure is what Vince ment Embarassed

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13425
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:39 am    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
:oops: Embarassed Embarassed
good one Radar Embarassed Embarassed
Im sure is what Vince ment Embarassed

Yeah...that's perzackerly wot I meaned. Embarassed Embarassed

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2325
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Friday funnies Reply with quote

Understandable.
Only their mother could tell them apart.




Not.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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