David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

gelandangan

This is an oldie but well worth revisit
David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

Back about 20 or so years ago, I used to laugh out loud driving from home to University when on radio in the voice of David Attenborough, the description of one of the species, here is an example of one:

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THE POLITICIAN

Few creatures have been so perfectly built for survival as the politician. With its thick skin, its voracious appetite and killer instinct it is virtually no more than a survival machine.

Despite its small brain it is extraordinarily agile, capable of dodging issues, juggling figures and bending over backwards all at the same time. It has an odd habit of baring its teeth and shaking hands with all other species. Particularly vigorous teeth baring and handshaking and apparently means that it has forgotten your name.

When attacked the Politician puffs itself up and repels its assailant with a blast of hot air. But for all its aggression it is a passive creature that usually doesn't move unless prodded. It also hibernates. For most of the year politicians remain in their own territory, resting on their laurels, cushioned by their specially padded expense accounts, nurturing their nest-eggs but as the cold weather comes, they begin a great migration to the high country of NSW where they retires into a dark musty den called Parliament to sleep the winter away. During this period it is quite dangerous to disturb them and the den often reverberates to sound of some very nasty fights.

It also is worth noting that this creature usually attacks from behind. From time to time young bulls challenge old bulls for the leadership of the herd. If they are successful the old bull (or old cow) retires into a form of social oblivion called eminence. If unsuccessful then the young bull is likely to have his options cut off.

Ominivision1

Spot on about politicians.

TRBLSHTR

When they (the young bulls)have their options cut off-does that mean that they can no longer create more polititions? Razz

Suzanne

Those are options?

gelandangan

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THE ACCOUNTANT

The Accountant is a small grey, rodentlike creature that lives in a tidy burrow called an office. Although it consumes a reasonable number of commodities, it produces none at all so to survive in the manner to which it would like to become accustomed it must attach itself to someone that does. Thus, like the tick bird that lives on the back of the rhinoceros, the Accountant attaches itself to a host and proceeds to count the host's money, a service for which it charges a fee.

For the most part the Accountant simply sorts the money into two piles - what comes in and what goes out. These piles must match down to the last cent and if they don't the accountant starts to make small noises of distress and will race around its burrow, hunting for the discrepancy amongst reams of paper.

Sometimes the Accountant will start to act as if the money were its own and will growl ferociously if anyone tries to spend it - even the Host. When this occurs, employees and creditors will have quite a battle extracting payments from the tenacious grip of this creature. As part of their defence system Accountants often employ a device called a Requisition Form, the effect of which is to make all transactions so tedious that the inquirer eventually gives up.

For all their hoarding and territorial behaviour, the accountant's life is essentially one of repetition. To counteract this, governments around the world have created special schemes to keep accountants interested. They are called Tax Departments. Since most of an Accountant's life is spent negotiating the maze of Tax Regulations, the Tax Departments change the rules every two or three weeks just to keep these delightful creatures busy. All in all they are inoffensive little creatures that are tolerated by other species despite the fact that they don't seem to have any particular use.