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British humour
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1288
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 4:14 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

An Aussie and his dog are shipwrecked on a deserted island. After a few days he decides to reconnoitre the island. He discovers that the only other inhabitants are sheep.

Weeks later he can't get those sheep out of his mind, and soon he's sneaking up on the flock. Just as he is about to pounce on a really cute one, the dog grabs his leg and won't let go. He snaps to, and thanks the dog for keeping him from making a fool of himself. This same scene happens every night for a month and the guy is really getting pissed at the dog.

Suddenly one day, the man spies a liferaft bobbing in the surf. In the raft is a beautiful young girl, half dead but alive. He takes her back to his hut revives her and nurses her to health. After a few days the girl is feeling fine, and that evening a rush of gratitude sweeps over her....

She confronts the man: 'I owe you my life. I'm yours forever. I'll do anything you want'

'Anything?'

'Anything!!'

'OK, hold that dog for ten minutes!!!'
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1288
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 4:15 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Have you heard about the latest Welsh sex aid?

Velcro gloves.
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10453
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:41 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Mikes on a roll today....

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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RePete
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 798

PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 8:32 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

tikkat3 wrote:
Or the cliff........
Who highjacked this thread? Bushy, RePete.
Get back on topic and start bashing [laughing with] the poms.
Or
I'd like to hear a bit of Oz bashing, hey Skip
Kanga or convict

Watchit Mate. I didn't hijack squat, just responded to Bushy. Mad

_________________
Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2325
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:10 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

You know Mike, all you need now is some American jokes and you've slandered the lot of us in one thread Wink

Standby for the no doubt interesting and intense replies.........

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............


Last edited by dhc4ever on Sat Nov 26, 2011 6:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13429
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:59 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

RePete wrote:
Watchit Mate. I didn't hijack squat, just responded to Bushy. Mad

dhc4ever wrote:
You know Mike, all you need now is some American jokes and you've slandered the lot of us in one thread Wink

Standby for the no doubt interesting and intense relies.........

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10453
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 9:58 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Naww...Why bother. We did enough to the Poms in the 1770s.... Laughing

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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tikkat3
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Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 707

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:34 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Thats when our problems started Bushy
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10453
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:09 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

I actually thought that solved a few. But we seem to have been adding "baggage" ever sense. To culminate with obama I hope.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13429
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:42 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
I actually thought that solved a few. But we seem to have been adding "baggage" ever sense. To culminate with obama I hope.

Yeah, right...good luck mate...I think you are gonna need it.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1288
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:51 am    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Naww...Why bother. We did enough to the Poms in the 1770s.... Laughing

Ah but you're forgetting something: back in the 1770's you still WERE poms. Very Happy
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10453
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 12:38 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Were the Scots poms?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7310
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:16 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

NEVER......If you havent already seen it watch "braveheart" A question like that would have ol Willy rolling in his various resting places!!!

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1288
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:16 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Were the Scots poms?

Better ask an Aussie. Very Happy
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13429
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:54 pm    Post subject: Re: British humour Reply with quote

Och....NEVER. Callin' a scot an' sassenach is fightin' words !

Rinneadh formhór mór na "inimirceach éigeantach" chun an Mhór Theas Talún (Terra Australisstar) maité na hÉireann.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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