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Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13468
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:20 am    Post subject: Conscription Reply with quote

Conscripting blokes over 50----this is funny & obviously written by a former soldier...

I am over 50 and the Defence Force thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. They've got the whole thing arseup. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old blokes. You shouldn't be able to join a defence unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old blokes only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young blokes haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry'. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some mongrel that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.. Old blokes always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical idiot."

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Training would be easier for old blokes.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty sheila. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. He still hasn't worked out that below-the-hip jeans or shorts will trip him up one way or another. But who said it looks good anyway? Duuuuur

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way..

Let us old farts track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting women over 50...in menopause!!! You think men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! Shocked Shocked Shocked Hiding Hiding

If nothing else, put them on boat people border patrol......they will have it secured the first night!

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:21 am    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
***How about recruiting women over 50...in menopause!!! You think men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! Shocked Shocked Shocked Hiding Hiding

If nothing else, put them on boat people border patrol......they will have it secured the first night!Cheers, Vince

Good idea Vince, and when they get hot flashes, they can jump overboard to cool off. Hiding

Now where's that ladder!!

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13468
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:27 am    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

OV1 wrote:
...Now where's that ladder!!

It's over here mate...just follow the sound of my voice...I'm already up here. Hiding

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:22 am    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

Must be from experience eh Vinnie? Omni? Very Happy

Suz

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Ominivision1
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:33 am    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
Must be from experience eh Vinnie? Omni? Very Happy Suz

Yup Suz your right: us men got to live with them. Very Happy Very Happy

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Suzanne
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Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 7:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

Actually I know what you're talkin about. Had my fill in the Navy and if you thing the boys are bad....well, you know


Suz

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7345
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 11:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Conscription Reply with quote

great idea Vince that way I could join the armed forces and still drive a truck, hells bells that would be a saving to the tax payer too cause us old farts know how to stay on the road and not crash.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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